she was never the integral part of it..
forget integral, i never made her even a part worth of 'trust', per se..
the only part that she had been and ever was, was during the last stretch.. when it involved me sharing the house with her.. which naturally made be obligated to tell her about my whereabouts.. and by whereabouts, she was just aware of the company i was going to be with, and not the destination, per se..
and that's how i think she knew..
i have to give this to her.. never once did she ask me anything about it.. no privy no prying.. she was happy with just the information doled out to her by me in the form of---"Mamma ami berochhi.. ****** se milne..gaadi leke going.. will be back in an hour or so.."
but today, i get the feel, that she knows it all.. inspite of me consciously not making her a part of it.. she. knows. it. all..
today, this day, holds a certain amount of significance for me.. it gave me the ticket to my soul city.. all i have to do now is to get it in my hands.. and so in the morning, when the news first came, she just asked, in her signature off-handed manner, "so, have you called your ** yet?"
she was so non chalant in her question, that in spite of catching me off guard there, i chose to ignore it.. and pulled something else to talk about.. i dont know whether she was playing around with me then, but even she didnt press.. so, i was relieved..
but again in the evening, she was back with the same..and this time, minus the nonchalance..
she tells me that she had been staying up lately during the nights.. that she has been having trouble sleeping.. and i dont know, if she had caught my sobs, sneaking through the creaks of the door.. and i dread for the same.. because, for a strange coincidence, all her having-trouble-sleeping-in-the-night period is highly and perfectly in sync with those nights, wherein i sob myself to sleep.. or rather, i sob and weep myself on my pillow..
she knows something is wrong.. she knows, and i can tell.. and yet, she's playing along me.. by my side..
after all, my Dennis poster says, so very truthfully :
"You can fool All of the People, Some of the Time, and Some of the People, All of the Time..But you can't fool MOM."
forget integral, i never made her even a part worth of 'trust', per se..
the only part that she had been and ever was, was during the last stretch.. when it involved me sharing the house with her.. which naturally made be obligated to tell her about my whereabouts.. and by whereabouts, she was just aware of the company i was going to be with, and not the destination, per se..
and that's how i think she knew..
i have to give this to her.. never once did she ask me anything about it.. no privy no prying.. she was happy with just the information doled out to her by me in the form of---"Mamma ami berochhi.. ****** se milne..gaadi leke going.. will be back in an hour or so.."
but today, i get the feel, that she knows it all.. inspite of me consciously not making her a part of it.. she. knows. it. all..
today, this day, holds a certain amount of significance for me.. it gave me the ticket to my soul city.. all i have to do now is to get it in my hands.. and so in the morning, when the news first came, she just asked, in her signature off-handed manner, "so, have you called your ** yet?"
she was so non chalant in her question, that in spite of catching me off guard there, i chose to ignore it.. and pulled something else to talk about.. i dont know whether she was playing around with me then, but even she didnt press.. so, i was relieved..
but again in the evening, she was back with the same..and this time, minus the nonchalance..
she tells me that she had been staying up lately during the nights.. that she has been having trouble sleeping.. and i dont know, if she had caught my sobs, sneaking through the creaks of the door.. and i dread for the same.. because, for a strange coincidence, all her having-trouble-sleeping-in-the-night period is highly and perfectly in sync with those nights, wherein i sob myself to sleep.. or rather, i sob and weep myself on my pillow..
she knows something is wrong.. she knows, and i can tell.. and yet, she's playing along me.. by my side..
after all, my Dennis poster says, so very truthfully :
"You can fool All of the People, Some of the Time, and Some of the People, All of the Time..But you can't fool MOM."
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