a not-so-ordinary Sunday 27.1.13

it had all the potential of being a typically lazy wintry warm Sunday . with the girl-friend staying over the last night and waking me up in the morning when she had to leave.. with me crawling back in warp speed to be under the warm and cozy blankets in my dark and cosy room for a second installment of sleep.. it had the making of an ideal holiday-mode Sunday..

but for the 'imperfections'.. coz. this sunday involved me donning the chef's hat--cooking for my parent's homecoming! cleaning the flat.. keeping everything in order.. trying to match Mamma's standard of being 'clean' in the kitchen, though i have a nagging feel that it may just not be enough still! *never too good for Mamma when it comes to being clean in the kitchen* loading the fridge with food.. and the usual regular (which is not so regular for me) 'household' chores.. and yeah, i'm proud of myself.. i pulled it off pretty satisfactorily..

but for the 'imperfections'.. this day happens to hold a somewhat special significance.. and for some strange reasons, i want the association.. yet, too proud to ask.. narcissist, you see.. and once a narcissist, always one.. so, waiting doesnt suit me too.. so, just the me, saying out 'ok happy budday'..

but for the 'imperfections'.. i miss my soul sister.. i miss her.. miss being with her.. miss her damned face.. and yes, i always miss her.. nothing new in that.. but this missing her kinda took a turn for the worse after she came to see me last month.. *sob!* and its when even the technology of whatsapp, skype, gmail and fb too doesn't help..*sigh!*

but for the 'imperfections'.. and i miss Meano today.. very strange, because, no real reason whatsoever for me to miss Meano.. (or, is there? that i dunno about, or i'm in denial?) and well, narcissist part existing.. i buzzed him, 'coz the yearning for him was way too strong, and well, now its Meano's turn to buzz back.. so, it will be good if he does.. and if he doesn't, then, i'll make it alright with me in sometime.. which i know i will.. these are just temporary momentarily lapse of composure..

but for the 'imperfections'.. yeah.. too many of them.. and maybe, that's what makes it all so exciting..

narcissist part of course holds.. and that is beyond the realm of any imperfections, whatsoever!

i  just hope, it ain't too long before i'm back my usual self..
because, i want this 13 to rock for me! and i do get this feel at times (within) that it will.. but, i want it in tangibles.. at least for the starters.. and i know, rest everything (yes, EVERY-fuckin'-THING) will fall in its place..

so yeah, when all these are playing for a place in your mind, it can never be an ordinary holiday mode wintry Sunday..

a definitely not-so-ordinary Sunday..27.1.13.

when i don't know what to do

"p.a.":-
sunne me bhi acha lagta tha..
sahi lagta tha.



when in dire straits regarding whether to start a new segment with a new word after a comma, OR, to start a new sentence of a new paragraph altogether, after a full stop, beginning with a capital letter..
dilemma of a stupid girl..when a period of three years seems too long to be true and surreal..yet, the feeling of being together through every possible thing in those three years gives a great feel of contempt and security..when i dunno what it holds in it for me.. when i dunno what is after these 'three years'..
when the very existence is questioned..
and when it seems real absurd that these things are even striking a chord at this point in time of our lives..in my life, to be precise..

when #1 was excitedly waited upon
when #2 deserved an acknowledgement
strangely enough, i'm absolute indifferent to #3.. it has ceased to have any significance somehow.. just another day.. just another date.. that comes every 365 days.. is too much proximity the cause? am i supposed to be better off if i take off to some place else, for a long time.. is 'distance' being missed? i'm completely flummoxed.. 'coz 'dates' are of immense significance to me..and it feels that it has lost all its significance.. *poof!*

p.a.
yes, i miss that..
true.. it had a good and nice ring to it..
it always felt right..
item.
p.a.

miss you, M.

i had a plan.. a pre-planned and nicely thought of list of stuffs that i would be telling you..
i still have the list..
i still have the ordered list..
i never ended up giving it to you..
i could never bring it on to escape me..
i felt impaired..
and i never thought i would feel so..

i miss you today.. i miss you, because you ain't here.. because, i cant see you the way i used to..
all i have is your essence.. and your feel.. wrapped around me..
and i feel the safest in your 'stuff'..
the brown stripes comfort me now.. but even then, they cant replace you..

you have been the bestest that i ever had.. and you will always be that..
the 'partial' being irrespective..

miss you, M.

beginning

and a beginning in every sense..

with the last day of the year ending with the termination and completion of almost everything that i'd begun in that year..
exams ending on the 31st..
end of the shit-ass-busting-killing-crazy-busy schedule, on the 31st..
end of sleepless nights on 31st..
ending of the day/night with the last words from the Sweetheart..

a year, that had been a good one on the whole, retrospectively.. with me being able to reach the finishing line of all that was embarked upon without much of a hassle anywhere.. including the revival of the most precious association, and living to see it through..

yes, a good year indeed..

and carrying the good part over to the next year.. the first day today, of the another year, and i'm eagerly looking for an encore.. for a spill-over effect.. and futuristic-ally speaking, it looks promising from the place that i am now currently..
i have my Person..
i will have my soul..
i will have the leisure of books..
the soothing effect of the 'blunt' pencil..
reconciliation with M..
and i can afford my travel bug bites..

yes, a good start..

welcome, 01.01.2013!

*cheers!