consequences--aftermath

never before did i ever think that consequences will have such an adverse effect on me and on everything around me that has me involved in it.. to say of that, i was prepared mentally and consciously about the 'immediate' ones.. 'immediate' refers to the pin-drop silence moment just after the bombshell.. 'immediate' refers to the moments of solitude following the awkward partings.. 'immediate' also extends up to the night of that (un)fateful day when i know i wont be at peace.. i was prepared for these all.. to say of that, i was prepared of ONLY these all.. i wasn't prepared to witness the phenomenon, first hand, of mind taking over body.. i wasn't wholly prepared of the numbness that surrounded me.. and it still is surrounding me.. and i still dunno what to do with it.. i was never prepared for dealing with it consciously.. and the adverse effect that it had, i never thought i would be doing that ever.. taking it all out, without waiting for or even wanting any empathysing or sympathies.. i just 'narrated' it.. and yes, at that moment i trully understood "every teardrop is a waterfall"..

if one of the consequences was going without sleep for 48 hrs, inspite of those 48 hrs involving frantic frenzy and every moment of chaos, the other consequence was the still persisting numbness.. to the extent that im hating myself for not being able to even "talk" to Bardidi.. and yeah, not to mention that awkward feeling and that still awkward skipping of a beat, when my phone echoes that particular tone..

yes.. it is horribly messed up.. and im dreading now for all the consequences, that will be following this.