lessons for today--29.5.12

when two 'cold' ppl are concerned, a third party intervention is mandatory to get the things rolling!


undersigned:-
'cold' person #1
'cold' person #2

:-D

consequences--aftermath

never before did i ever think that consequences will have such an adverse effect on me and on everything around me that has me involved in it.. to say of that, i was prepared mentally and consciously about the 'immediate' ones.. 'immediate' refers to the pin-drop silence moment just after the bombshell.. 'immediate' refers to the moments of solitude following the awkward partings.. 'immediate' also extends up to the night of that (un)fateful day when i know i wont be at peace.. i was prepared for these all.. to say of that, i was prepared of ONLY these all.. i wasn't prepared to witness the phenomenon, first hand, of mind taking over body.. i wasn't wholly prepared of the numbness that surrounded me.. and it still is surrounding me.. and i still dunno what to do with it.. i was never prepared for dealing with it consciously.. and the adverse effect that it had, i never thought i would be doing that ever.. taking it all out, without waiting for or even wanting any empathysing or sympathies.. i just 'narrated' it.. and yes, at that moment i trully understood "every teardrop is a waterfall"..

if one of the consequences was going without sleep for 48 hrs, inspite of those 48 hrs involving frantic frenzy and every moment of chaos, the other consequence was the still persisting numbness.. to the extent that im hating myself for not being able to even "talk" to Bardidi.. and yeah, not to mention that awkward feeling and that still awkward skipping of a beat, when my phone echoes that particular tone..

yes.. it is horribly messed up.. and im dreading now for all the consequences, that will be following this.

consequences

i was judged to be as a person having strong analytical skills.. not any partial decision or judgement by some professor having a certain degree of biasedness towards me.. no.. this was the result established by the test taken.. the psychometric test taken.. a 'conclusion' of my sort.. and it said, majorly analytical..

according to it, im the one who is supposedly playing safe all the time..

yesterday night doesnt really match in sync with this.. i never calculated or even estimated all the happenings that happened after a certain particular incident.. so, am i really that analytical? or am i schizophrenic?

and the consequences.. well.. unaccounted tear drops.. uncontrolled streaming.. mood spoilers.. saddened.. morose.. feeling shit.. all these were the immediate effects.. the immediate conclusions.. all this inspite of my head buzzing with a million other activities.. all this inspite of my head throbbing with a zillion other thoughts.. all this inspite of me attending to our guests at night for dinner.. all this inspite of being in the constant presence of 8 people..

the alarming part comes later.. if i thought, all these were the maximum that it would go to, i was horribly mistaken.. i witnessed the phenomena of mind taking over body.. shit tired that i was yesterday.. long day at the training session.. the brainstorming for the felicitation program post the conventional training sessions.. the drive through stupid traffic back home.. the one hour ride with the certain someone prior to all these 'consequences'.. my body was a dead beat.. yet, inspite of everything, wherein under any other given day of normal circumstances, i would have fallen down and crashed on the bed the instant my head touched the pillow, i couldnt sleep.. simply.. my mind overpowered my struggling and tired frame.. and it prevailed.. barely 3 hrs of closed eyes, and for the first time in my life till now, i woke up with a start and without any alarm!
even as i am putting this down, a million things are running in my head.. the program sequence, the guests, the vote of thanks, the smooth sailing of the entire schedule.. and yet, i dun feel anything.. i will again be at the centrestage.. yet, i feel  shit.

consequences.. and i was not prepared for this..ever.

marginal costing..page open with the paper marker sticking out..kept in front.. almost counter staring each other.. kept aside..
twirling the pen in my right hand.. marveling the controls and finesse of my finger skills.. stopped doing it..
foolscap paper.. lying blank.. attempt at the vote of thanks.. yet to start..
cellular phone.. lying idle.. with an occasional buzz and ring..

and all it takes is just one look at that damned stupid cellular phone, every time it rings a certain tone.. that one thing against all the other above mentioned things.. and tears well up and not long before they roll down..

that should answer you how fucked up i am.

..

once in 6 months---i guess i can so very well do without that.. coz it turns to twice in 6 months for me.. which is more than twice as bad.. 'coz somethings, i can do without.. and there also are certain things, i can't do "doing without".. and this gets the prime spot in that list of certain things i can't do "doing without"..maybe 'coz it involves you..and that's when it amounts to two..

happy day Thursday!

happy day..
happy me..

happy morning sans fighting for bathroom space and turn with Pops.
happy morning and happy beginning for taking the Black baby out all by myself.
happy me for a mission accomplished--driving through the office traffic in the morning and parking nicely on the slope.
happy "interactions" and "meetings" in the Students Induction Programme.
happy sneak chats with my sweetheart in between.
happy plans of possible meet in the evening.
happy driving back home, safe and sound.
happy pops with the news and happy mamma with the views.
happy news of my best friend being engaged.
happy plans of my best friend's marriage.
happy feel of best friend's chats.
happy food after the long day.

and just when i thought i couldn't be happier more, i was proved wrong.. and so, as i end this, i'm off to meet my sweetheart.. for a night rendezvous :)

*love and happy kisses!*




"I have the ability of making you feel "SPECIAL" in a "COMMON" way but not of making you feel "UNCOMMON" in a "SPECIAL" way!!!"

s-u-n-d-a-y!! 13.5.12

good morning at 1100hrs..
coffee-ing till 1215 hrs..
skipping shower for the time being and letting everyone else take their time for that..
random plans of driving out..
unexpected charm by Drisha..
instant decision to go out---pops and me..
sudden addendum to the plan, with mamma deciding to join..
dressing up for an impromptu drive across the city..
mamma-pops dressed immaculately..
me content with flinging a shirt over a tee.. and of course the red shoes to go..
with the Black baby with me, next stop at the BL..
all this starting at 1400 hrs..
blazing hot outsides and pleasantly cool insides..
a perfect and well spent half hr in the sanctum sanctorum..
taking off from there to Cocoberry at 1500..
cooling off with berryblast with added blackberries..
dessert before food..
gliding over to dominos next door..
digging in to chicken wings and chicken golden delight..
all these at 1530 hrs..
a cross-over halt at reliance for some quick pickings at groceries..
with all these wrapped up by 1630, a straight beeline to Gandhinagar..
and ofcourse, a change of ownership of my Black baby..
shoe shopping followed by CCD halt..
with expresso and ice tea and water to go..
a short shift of ownership again..
its the highway, you see, mamma is still jittery about..
1820 and the Mirror beckons..
and my further plans for the extended evening..
1910 touching base..
a quick shower followed by the Mirror greeting..
Mirror meeting extending to an evening rendezvous..
finally destination home, when it reads 2115..
an all-together dine in dinner..
and finally calling it a day..
a Sunday, truly YAY!

returns.. after a strained year(almost)

and so, it brings about certain "likes" back in existence..

someone is happy, as a result of that..

i am a bit surprised by the returns..

"time" behaved funny in this matter..

there's this notable effort in smoothening out the edges..

and the conversation flows.. strained at the halts.. but otherwise, free..

p.s. : a very important lesson on ice-breaker.. advantage you, if you are a bong, and a dusky one.. advantage you 'coz you will be told having "chocolate bong looks".. and a real crazy analogy with Lisa Hayden! *:-D*

sunday

sunday morning.. shaky start.. groggily touching the floor.. looking like a zombie, so took my eyes off the basin mirror, and concentrated on the froth starting to peep out from the corners of the vaselined pink lips.. time to rinse.. a splash of water,  with a splatter on the mirror.. pat dry and then a second look.. well, "passable" verdict, so no more shying away.. with the minty taste in my mouth, a beeline to the already hustling-bustling kitchen.. addiction calls.. and can wait no more.. one burner is all i need.. at my disposal, and i warm.. i pour.. i inhale.. the first whiff.. intoxicating.. reassuring.. the belief restored, that i can still take it on, one more day.. the amorous greeting from my bestest Man.. and another beeline to the precise position on the couch, after a nod and a return greeting-smile.. cleared the mess, i need a safe place for my poison.. and messed the couch, around that precise position.. the middle cushion.. at that precise angle from the fan above.. yes, it has to be that precise.. i need the fan and i need the paper sprawled across the table.. in its full length and breadth.. my salvation.. and with each glug, the world just seems a little more livable.. and i think, "well, its not that bad".. i get company.. physical and metaphysical.. both of equal desires.. one i see and one i think (of).. the seeing overpowers the one i think of.. and before i actually even realise, its pushed back, somewhere.. far.. so, i continue seeing.. and listening.. its again my bestest Man and i.. and we begin from where we'd left last night.. the "horizons", the "elliptical path", the "pull", the "mass", the "relativity".. and we continued with "God", "ceteris paribus",  "universe=heaven", "foie gras", "okra".. and it spilled over to "expressions".. and this is where the one i think of comes to the fore, again.. and even finds a mention in the "expression".. yes.. so far so good.. the last glug done, its time for some smiles.. toothless ones.. precious ones.. unconditionally austere.. and it makes me realise, "how i'll give anything just to have that soft feel".. the clock tirelessly ticking.. the heat making its presence felt.. and time for another beeline.. to the cool embrace of the still cold water.. the tiny drops trickle down.. making their way like a streamlined furrow.. solitude.. in its own distinct way..

so, armed with all these, i think i can tackle the skeletons locked in and stashed inside.. and before, i realise, i find the one i think of, coming back to the fore.. one look at my door, and the floodgates open.. and it all rushes through.. this time, its not a streamlined furrow.. not time, yet..

*i remember every sunset..i remember every words you said..we're never gonna say goodbye..sing la-la-da-da-da.. tell me how to get back to..back to summer paradise with you..and i'll be there in a heartbeat.*

summer surprises for Her.

keeping myself contended by managing successfully (although unintentionally) in constantly keeping Mamma on her toes when it comes to surprising her--- with my "dressing sense(s)" {or, the lack of it, maybe}, that is.. 'coz she finds it a bit disturbing to find her daughter all fully covered from head-to-toe in this blazing and blasting summer on one day and the very same daughter prancing about in barely there trademark(ed) famous shorts and tee on the other day!

note: the "disturbing" mentioned above has nothing to do with the lengths (or, its lack, thereof) f the clothes on/of her daughter in question/context/discussion/interest. the "disturbing" is majorly attributed to the constant yo-yo-ing and shuffle shift.

and there are also days when she is pleasantly surprised.. i know its "pleasantly" surprised (sic) when i get her "kotha-o berocchhish?" those are the days when i ditch my usual and regular shorts/jeans and tee/shirts for something else..

but the best is always when i get her "kotha-o berocchhish" even when in shorts/jeans and tee/shirts..
 :)