i'm still dazed.. dazed not because i'm giddy.. no that's not the reason at all.. but dazed to a certain extent because of all that i'm told in the last few days.. all that i have been an audience to.. all involving a certain annoyingly extent of commonness between me as well.. and i'm dazed when i think of the other side's probable retaliation to the other subject's final and ultimate subjection to my "book" of "situations"..(this is quoting the certain person in question)..
the last couple of days talks, have been revolving mostly around "good", "bad", the "rights and the wrongs" of it, the percievings on those "goods and bads", and the ever-existing tryst with "like", "love", of being caught in the web of "being there and yet not really there" and "not being there but yet always being there, that lingering presence, which cant be undone"..and with all this heavyweight and surprisingly free-flowing talks and sharing of views, giving of opinions and accepting those by both, taking of suggestions in a desperate attempt to end the inner conflicts, what dazes me is not the reason why this is being done.. not even the surroundings and neither the palpable mood.. no.. what dazes me is just one plain thought, which i cant just shoo away form the inside of my whacked-up mind..
for sometime (approximately 2 weeks now since its inception, officially), now that i have been thinking of all that is and all that it is tending to be, "partial" is probably the call of the hour.. and i have no further questions but a confession from my side.. i know what you mean when you tell me that if you "move on" it may not be the complete you at the end of it.. yes.. i know that.. you can never be the 100 percent that you were before you "moved on".. 'coz the same thing is with me.. even as the moment that i'm putting it down, i know, for you (and to you), i cant give the complete me.. and its not just that "fairy tale" which has a part of me(which you know about and maybe even approve of).. that's always there.. no doubt in that.. but a major part of me (read: my heart, mind, soul) lives with a certain p(ersonal).a(ssisstant) of mine.. remember, i told you that i understand when you say you're habituated with a certain person? well, i understand because, i am, myself.. habituated with such an existence now, that i cant think of any other mode of even existing, let alone living.. its just as breathing for me.. and just as you say, you'll wait even if you "move on", exactly the same holds for me.. for some wierd reason, sans any concrete assurance and surity (but enough to make it evident), i have also been waiting.. and maybe, knowingly-unknowingly and probably even consciously, i, myself, will also keep on waiting for that "habit" of mine to be realised.. maybe i'll leave it all, just to live my "habit"..
and now, my question back to you, is again the same as yours:
"Can you live with something like this? i'm not reliable.. no seriousness.."
if you have an answer to this, then maybe, you'll know what my answer is..
*love*
p.s.: as a personal experience, "rebound" is never a good end.period.
the last couple of days talks, have been revolving mostly around "good", "bad", the "rights and the wrongs" of it, the percievings on those "goods and bads", and the ever-existing tryst with "like", "love", of being caught in the web of "being there and yet not really there" and "not being there but yet always being there, that lingering presence, which cant be undone"..and with all this heavyweight and surprisingly free-flowing talks and sharing of views, giving of opinions and accepting those by both, taking of suggestions in a desperate attempt to end the inner conflicts, what dazes me is not the reason why this is being done.. not even the surroundings and neither the palpable mood.. no.. what dazes me is just one plain thought, which i cant just shoo away form the inside of my whacked-up mind..
for sometime (approximately 2 weeks now since its inception, officially), now that i have been thinking of all that is and all that it is tending to be, "partial" is probably the call of the hour.. and i have no further questions but a confession from my side.. i know what you mean when you tell me that if you "move on" it may not be the complete you at the end of it.. yes.. i know that.. you can never be the 100 percent that you were before you "moved on".. 'coz the same thing is with me.. even as the moment that i'm putting it down, i know, for you (and to you), i cant give the complete me.. and its not just that "fairy tale" which has a part of me(which you know about and maybe even approve of).. that's always there.. no doubt in that.. but a major part of me (read: my heart, mind, soul) lives with a certain p(ersonal).a(ssisstant) of mine.. remember, i told you that i understand when you say you're habituated with a certain person? well, i understand because, i am, myself.. habituated with such an existence now, that i cant think of any other mode of even existing, let alone living.. its just as breathing for me.. and just as you say, you'll wait even if you "move on", exactly the same holds for me.. for some wierd reason, sans any concrete assurance and surity (but enough to make it evident), i have also been waiting.. and maybe, knowingly-unknowingly and probably even consciously, i, myself, will also keep on waiting for that "habit" of mine to be realised.. maybe i'll leave it all, just to live my "habit"..
and now, my question back to you, is again the same as yours:
"Can you live with something like this? i'm not reliable.. no seriousness.."
if you have an answer to this, then maybe, you'll know what my answer is..
*love*
p.s.: as a personal experience, "rebound" is never a good end.period.
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