(Dat)-Extravaganza!

making mamma a part of your "date" plans can backfire.. sure.. but it can NOT backfire as well! a fact i figured out myself, less than 24 hours back.. and much to my astonishment bordering on horror, she even went out of her way to make it more "perfect"! *my bag full of surprises mamma!*

and well, brownie points, if the "date" in question is equally (if not more) preferred and loved by her!

and so, it's all set.. Sunday morning at 10! my Red Room gets to witness my only Exception..


{ she: "are you planning only for coffee? you can go for lunch as well.. best, just give the order and 
ask for the home delivery.. you have KFC as well.. how will you two have coffee? you can carry the 
flask.. the new one.. and have as much coffee as you want/like.."

she: "well, your room is more or less set.. the curtains are also hanging.. so, you kids have fun tomorrow!"

me: "Mamma, its alright.. us meeting after so long is, in itself, a big deal.. we'll be alright.. we'll probably end up only talking.."

she: "haan thik hai.. karo baatein.. jo man kare.. all i'm saying, you can order and eat ghar pe baithke as well.. plus, thoda aur unpack bhi kar lena dono milke.. baat ka baat bhi ho jaega, date ka sath me time spend karna bhi, and room bhi set ho jaega!"

and i continue looking at her helplessly, with a smile on my face, as she goes about her chores..}

p.s. and yes.. it's proven, once again.. you ARE my ONLY Exception!

love and happiness (and promises)

oh so often have i heard and used and even patronised the term, "promises are meant to be broken", and so not-so-often have i heard and oh so religiously and stringently have i patronised the term, "don't make promises you can't keep"..

and who would have thought (rhetorically!) that i'll be the one in common to both the above situations at the same time! almost like being in two places at once!

a year and a half back.. i promised to myself that there will no more be a post carrying the label "you n i".. the reason being there was no more a "you".. in fact, to be precise, there was no more THE "you".. the very "you" that was responsible for the very writings.. now my love for writing superseded everything.. so i made it do with only scrapping the "you n i".. i figured that would be enough to help me get by the "past" of "you"..

the promise stands broken now.. after a year and a half.. the reason, the "you" resurfaced.. and strong enough to make me  write about it.. promises are indeed meant to be broken, it seems.. however hard and harsh they may be..

i could have made peace with myself about just breaking this one promise.. after all, the wounds were pretty deep, so i did deserve some slack.. but, horror of all horrors, when i figured something else also going awry!

for so long (read : a year and half), i made diligent and conscious efforts to erase all traces of tangibles between us.. because, dealing with memories(forever) were bad enough(tending towards worst), and i could do without the apparent tangible reminders of those times and days and memories.. anything, to help me live and get back, a day at a time.. that was disrupted with the resurfacing of "you".. but still, i was adamant about the tangibles.. okay, no drastic measures of ridding off the messages and conversations(yet), but i never really got around to save the number.. not that it really helped, 'coz, i recognise the number now, but at least, the "name" doesn't flash on my face everytime.. and for now, i can live with that.. so amidst all the meetings and the "date" and the "dinner" and "conversations" about the "familiarity", imagine my distraught, when i figured that i left behind a very definite tangible memoir with "you".. my  small silver earring, a marijuana leaf, tiny enough to be missed by anyone who's not looking, and large enough to raise questions if found by anyone not looking, apart from "you".. and the fact that "you" found it, and "you"r reassurances that "you" will keep it with you, which was supposed to make me feel alright, had completely the reverse effect!
and so, the fact that i ruined my all time basic "promise" killed me! more so because, not that "you" have now something that belongs to me, but, i am now incomplete because of that.. and i have been through enough already to live like that again!

and so, imagine my joy, when i found the exact marijuana pair a couple days later!!! so now, i'm not incomplete because of "you".. i'm free!!! and the fact, that "you" are holding on to something which belongs to me, gives me a sadistic pleasure..

aaahhh!!!! the power of tangibles!
so, i guess, what goes around, really comes around!

"love and happiness, something that can make you do wrong, make you do right-- Al Green"

revelation 101

so, this is a surprise.. because, i have always thought that whenever will be the time to sit down and discuss the wedding paraphernalia for me, it will be a case of the perfect storm and nothing good can ever come out off that, and it'll definitely require a "divine" intervention to stop the bridezilla and the harassed mother of the bride and restore some faith in the hapless dad of the bride!

but, as the days go by and without any concrete evidence of the wedding day getting any closer (yes, my folks are still not ready to marry me off, and that suits me oh-so-perfectly!) it seems that me and mamma are more in sync over the various paraphernalia involved in the ceremony that anyone would have even imagined..

and today's was the best one! i always had some sort of fascination for the "chudas".. so much so, that i almost did my end of research on them too! and i have always, consciously or otherwise, imagined a punjabi wedding.. i guess, i really can't term my general affinity towards punjabi and also my boyfriend(s) being punjabi, a mere coincidence.. so, today, while shopping for some bangles for her, we entered some store, exclusively for bangles.. and of course there were chudas.. and she said, "i love chudas.. i'll like you to wear on your wedding too!" i simply blurted out, shocked, "i love chudas.. have always loved them!"

p.s. note the fact that the wedding in question is a bong wedding (in the future tense), and the bride is a bong bride (again in the future tense), and there is no presence of chudas in a bong wedding..

so yeah!!!
surprise surprise!!!!

one wedding probably (again in the future tense) wherein there wont be any disagreement over the paraphernalia choices! 

"what's on your mind?"

*what's on your mind?*

{kuchh toh hai tujhse raabta....."kaise"? hum jaane hume kta pata...} strained into the still hot air of the beginning of the summer of the same god forsaken shit-hole of the place wherein she lives..

she stares back at the screen again.. it's as if the screen has a mind of its own and is determined on playing a very devilishly cruel jape with her and her already horribly fucked up mind..she tries to think again.. whats on her mind? whats REALLY on her mind? 

it began in the morning of the day before.. when M gave her the news.. and such was the impact, that she didnt react to it.. it was a good news.. and she thought she ought to be happy for him.. and she also thought that she was genuinely happy.. for him.. after all, its really a good news.. indeed.. 

and boy, how wrong she was!

*what's on your mind?*

she has just the two photos with M, that dates back 4 years.. and she has his sweater.. her most favorite piece of garb in her entire wardrobe.. but no, thats not whats on her mind.. 

*what's on your mind?*

the fact that there wont be any more of those random and abrupt midnight calls at will.. the fact that there wont be any more of "haq jataana" and "apdaar".. the fact that she's supposed to act like a "grown up" and a mature person.. the fact that she feels terribly shattered deep down.. 

yes.. that seems just about the gist of "what's on your mind?" 

A & A

and happiness is, when your belief in telepathy is reaffirmed..

random talks over mundane topics..the only bright subject being the chance of a visit among the otherwise dull snippets of the everyday routine of each of our respective life(s)(sic)..

and yes, its a real happy ending to the otherwise dull and absolutely uneventful day.. love sure works in funny ways..

conversations

him : "ki khobor tor?"
me : "oi r ki.. bits and pieces me getting royal treatment."
him : "royal treatment?"
me : "oh yeah..kothao berolei, 'eta kinbi? ota nibi? eta kine di toke?'"
him : "maane aadore aaro baador hocchish tui!!"
me : "aar abar koto hobo?!"
him : "oshadharon!"

we began.....

WE began with your visits to the City.. and WE continued further over to :

• my birthday
• new year's eve
• the new year
• family celebrations
• your birthday
• trip to a favourite place together
• sleep overs
• movie(s)
• valentine's day

and now its thus.. i dunno how far i can count.. though, i do want to.. i do want to count it to the place where it all began.. and then start the count all over again..!

but then again.. will you?

will you also count with me?

p.s. : and then again, we might just count it to the place after all.. the place from where it all began.. the point from where WE began.. just "thoda sa aur"..

wisdom much!

everyone has an opinion on how long it takes to recover from a breakup :

1. half the length of the relationship..
2. one week for every month that you were together..
3. exactly 10,000 drinks..however long that takes..
4. you can't measure something like this in time..there's a series of steps--from *** bed to the front door *bam!* outta there.. now, next!

but i think you start to recover the moment you meet that person who gets you back in the game..

this is the story of how i met that person..
p.s. hypothesis much?! :-p