naMe

i don't spy on him.. and i'm sure neither does he.. we've never been together.. yet he was always there to be found.. something in the name, maybe.. because, it was always assuring in a way to find the presence of the name..
and now i don't see it.. maybe, it's just a momentary technical glitch.. but the name is absent..
and i feel empty.. un-assured..

line

the most difficult thing to be ever have been taught to us has to go back to the time, when the preschool teachers busted their asses off while teaching us how to draw a "line"..literally so..
because, no matter how much hard you try, you can never get it right.. because, it would never be straight enough... and then came the drawing class and the equally horrid and treacherous drawing teachers, who were insistent to the point that we draw "straight" lines, without the aid of the ruler.. and if that was not enough, we were also expected to be able to draw perfect replicas of sets of parallel lines, straight, curved, slanting, waves, et al..

and then life starts to happen, and somewhere among all that, you are expected to draw lines again.. starting with drawing a line on the lab-tables de-marking the experiment areas, drawing a line on the sand to separate the teams position, drawing a line to mark a place to start, and it goes on and somehow it gets tangled into the metaphors..

and even before we can pause to reflect on all these, the said "line" has by far moved from being the "literal" line to the "metaphor" line.. and this time, its our asses that're caught or stuck on the wrong side of it..

in all my growing years, one lesson that had been constant was regarding this "line".. line between right/wrong.. to do/not to do.. less/more.. yes/no.. so drawing line is never alien.. i have been doing this for a quarter of my life now..

but today, i drew a line.. and suddenly i was rushed with the feel that im being the bad guy here.. and then it struck me, those people had been very convenient about it earlier.. coz they never thought it necessary to give me a heads up on this..

so, we should draw a line.. marking our territory.. to tell people not to take us for granted.. to tell them that i'm not their's for grab.. to tell them that it still happens to be me who controls my life.. and that, they belong to the other side of the line..

but what do i do of this sudden rush?

because, i cannot line with it, at least for the moment.

scared/scarred

you are the kind of a guy, i'm almost tempted (and maybe, at times even inclined,) to discuss my nail-polish colour with.. not to mention that i have anyway made you a part of my shoe shopping and my other extravagances..
didn't feel any restraint then, while doing all these..
but for some reason, i cant help but fight the urge to continue in this non nonchalant manner..

scared? or maybe scarred?!

or maybe, both, even?!


{time doesn't heel.. it makes you skeptic..}

pseudo-bong!

he tells me, "you have 0% kolkata blood in you."
i agree.
i guess, this will be the One thing that i will never dispute on.. i dun have any kolkata blood in me.. i dun think myself as one either.. and my 3 years stay there during undergrads doesnt help the cause either..

he used to be my translator back then in college.. things havent really changed much since then..
he still is the translator for me.. this time, for all his one-liners and/or compliments and/or teasers.. makes mamma happy.. well, as it has me speaking a couple extra words of Bong, which is a definite yay moment for mamma..

i still love the durga pujo though.. not for any bong sentiments.. despite the fact that i still wake up at 0430 on mahalaya to catch it airing on the radio..even to this day..inspite of the 0% kolkata blood.. *charming!*
i love the durga pujo time, only for notun jama.. and this is where i prove my 0% kolkata blood..

he was outrageously scandalised.. the night, when i was telling him all this.. lying down on the bed, next to each other.. both happy and content.. my happy almost bordering on the boundaries of being high and tipsy on grass, smoke, and lots of alcohol in the blood, after a drought of about 6 months.. and his happy was calm, and relaxed.. relieved even, may be.. but more of content.. the satisfaction kinds.. and he was genuinely amused and bemused by my so un-bong-ness.. he was, at some point of time, in those wee hours of the night, really marveling upon this wondrous creation of pseudo-bong, that was me!

but, my undergrad stay in his proud home and heart city bore fruits today.. and it all unfolded during the movie.. *showtime*
and i am sure, if he would have been there today, beside me, watching the movie with me, together, he would have stood up in applause.. because, that was "jorashankho thakurbari" and i was the one to spot it right! :-D

and that IS a big thing..
and he sure knows that..!

i tell him, "well, i atleast look the part.!"
he agrees.. this time.. undisputedly..
"you bet you do!"

{and this reminds me of the "bet" we had on my birthday.. the bet he let me have my way.. the bet he let me win my way.. undisputedly..}

p.s. : this pseudo-bong loves you.. in nothing like a pseudo manner.. ;)

twinkling toes

it's not entirely incorrect to say (and admit, in my case), that "love" makes things alright..
sometimes, its the love for a person.. love for a thing.. a place.. some 'action'.. a happy place in your memory palace..
sometimes you can see.. sometimes its tangible.. sometimes not.. sometimes, its only the feelings.. the way you feel.. the way it brings a smile on your face, when you look back at it in retrospect..
sometimes, its the best 'pick-me-up' when you are in the downers..

for me, this specific love is not really in the tangibles.. coz, i cant really 'touch' it (sic).. yet, it doesnt qualify as the intangible either.. and today is yet another day when it proves its effectiveness in making things alright..

definitely not the best of my days today.. when my body's resistance is almost at its tethers.. the wbc's are definitely overworked.. and another prospect of a ruined weekend doing no good to the already worse feelings.. the glucose ditching me.. so, in short, im fucked..
and voila! nothing can be any more appropriate for the 'love' to kick in and sort things out! right? the favourite song, the inviting beats, the closing of the doors, and "twinkling toes" in business.. DANCE!!!!!!

almost half hour and it weaves its magic.. who gives a damned fuck about the glucose, anymore, eh?!

{the love for a person exists as well.. but, its too vulnerable.. the distance not really helping the cause.. and neither do the 'missing you' moments..}

so, whenever it doesnt look up, all you gotta do is put on your dancing shoes!

concurrence..

"Perhaps the best thing we can do as individuals and parents is tell the kids around that marriage isn't the ultimate goal.. It isn't even an intermediate goal.. Or even a tiny goal.. Screw the TBZ ads and the whitening cream commercials.. Ignore Chetan Bhagat and Shaadi.com.. Marriage is downright unimportant in the overall course of things..

In India you don't need to be married to have a child legally.. Or even to inherit and pass on property.. Marriage is just a social custom where a bunch of old people shower rice on your head and believe they are giving you their permission (or, direction in some cases) to sleep with someone.. As you can imagine, it has little or no legal necessity or significance..
Life is compulsory.. Marriage is an optional extra.."

i came across this while idling about 'virtually' (quoting someone here, 'someone's recent favourite word to use, ranking after "pleasure" nowadays).. and i daresay, i myself couldn't have put it in any better terms..
of late, there have been instances where i have been subjected to badgering of some sorts by certain 'so-called' well wishers (i say 'so-called' because that's what they like to think of themselves as) and my ex (who, as it happens, is happily married by now, with all due credits coming my way, and so he wants to return the favour).. and i always have the very same thing to tell them--"whats all so important and urgency in getting married?"

i personally, am not against marriage.. and definitely not against people who choose to tread along that path.. but, saying that, i'm definitely against ALL those, who view marriage as the "be all and end all" of everything..  and funny part, neither of those people, have, till date, been able to give me the reasons for them to believe it as the "be all and end all".. so again, why propose when you can't dispose?

the 'author' here, has used really harsh views for certain 'people' and/or organisations.. well, i believe that it was plainly in the context of this whole 'marriage's (or the lack of it) issue.. and well, i beg to differ with his opinions.. for one, i cannot 'screw' TBZ.. i mean, that'll be sacrilege.. those people make some real jaw-dropping, eyes-popping, freaking awesome jewellery.. personal experience, and YES, i mean every word of it.. that being said, it'll be really unfair to associate TBZ ONLY with marriage.. c'mon.. a girl doesn't need a reason to flaunt her jewellery, does she (ever)?

and for the nation obsessed with "whitening creams" (which, much to my amusement, has managed to permeate even to the so-called-non-fussy-and-always-away-from-the-beauty-paraphernalia-hypocrite-bunch-of-MCPs and thereby giving rise to a new 'fashionable' word "metro-sexual")---that should be screwed.. funny how people are so skeptical in all fields of their life and so drastically opposite of it in the most evident feature.. people should realise that if the application of the so called 'whitening creams' really played a part in 'whitening', those very firms would have been out of business by now.. coz, everyone would be fair (or, 'white')..  but yeah 'con' cares? (pun intended).

and the only reason why i admire a certain Chetan Bhagat, is solely because of the undisputed fact that he is a red-bricks' alumnus.. period.. and, so for that matter, whosoever that comes out of those red-bricks, i bow to thee.. no hesitation there..

so yes.. i, myself, am not really interested in being showered white rice on my head by some bunch of weird old people.. and of course, i'm not really seeking for "permission" either (if you get the drift here).. i can still get TBZ stuff, have a child, deal with the property nuisance( the IT dept makes sure of that, those bloody bloodsucking bloodhounds)..

and i choose to live the life.. while still alive..
and about the 'optional' extra, i choose to do without it..

and so i concur----"Life is compulsory.. Marriage is an optional extra.."
period.

stranger's meet

over two hrs and 57 lines.. alternate replies, that is..
but, a conversation nevertheless..
opposite ideas, conflicting interests.. but always a mutual consent to end with..

that's why, conversation is an art..
holding a conversation is a skill, not everyone possesses..
and the sheer ability of drawing the one to a conversation on a regular basis, over the most unassuming talks, and lasting that for over hours, even on an average, necessarily requires a very special set of charm and personality.. with equal parts of respect, chivalry, playfulness, wit and innocence..

and crossing paths with someone as above, is always a happy moment in the day..
which you always look forward to, in 'every' days..

#CantForgetLovelyTalks..
indeed..
:)