oh so often have i heard and used and even patronised the term, "promises are meant to be broken", and so not-so-often have i heard and oh so religiously and stringently have i patronised the term, "don't make promises you can't keep"..
and who would have thought (rhetorically!) that i'll be the one in common to both the above situations at the same time! almost like being in two places at once!
a year and a half back.. i promised to myself that there will no more be a post carrying the label "you n i".. the reason being there was no more a "you".. in fact, to be precise, there was no more THE "you".. the very "you" that was responsible for the very writings.. now my love for writing superseded everything.. so i made it do with only scrapping the "you n i".. i figured that would be enough to help me get by the "past" of "you"..
the promise stands broken now.. after a year and a half.. the reason, the "you" resurfaced.. and strong enough to make me write about it.. promises are indeed meant to be broken, it seems.. however hard and harsh they may be..
i could have made peace with myself about just breaking this one promise.. after all, the wounds were pretty deep, so i did deserve some slack.. but, horror of all horrors, when i figured something else also going awry!
for so long (read : a year and half), i made diligent and conscious efforts to erase all traces of tangibles between us.. because, dealing with memories(forever) were bad enough(tending towards worst), and i could do without the apparent tangible reminders of those times and days and memories.. anything, to help me live and get back, a day at a time.. that was disrupted with the resurfacing of "you".. but still, i was adamant about the tangibles.. okay, no drastic measures of ridding off the messages and conversations(yet), but i never really got around to save the number.. not that it really helped, 'coz, i recognise the number now, but at least, the "name" doesn't flash on my face everytime.. and for now, i can live with that.. so amidst all the meetings and the "date" and the "dinner" and "conversations" about the "familiarity", imagine my distraught, when i figured that i left behind a very definite tangible memoir with "you".. my small silver earring, a marijuana leaf, tiny enough to be missed by anyone who's not looking, and large enough to raise questions if found by anyone not looking, apart from "you".. and the fact that "you" found it, and "you"r reassurances that "you" will keep it with you, which was supposed to make me feel alright, had completely the reverse effect!
and so, the fact that i ruined my all time basic "promise" killed me! more so because, not that "you" have now something that belongs to me, but, i am now incomplete because of that.. and i have been through enough already to live like that again!
and so, imagine my joy, when i found the exact marijuana pair a couple days later!!! so now, i'm not incomplete because of "you".. i'm free!!! and the fact, that "you" are holding on to something which belongs to me, gives me a sadistic pleasure..
aaahhh!!!! the power of tangibles!
so, i guess, what goes around, really comes around!
"love and happiness, something that can make you do wrong, make you do right-- Al Green"
and who would have thought (rhetorically!) that i'll be the one in common to both the above situations at the same time! almost like being in two places at once!
a year and a half back.. i promised to myself that there will no more be a post carrying the label "you n i".. the reason being there was no more a "you".. in fact, to be precise, there was no more THE "you".. the very "you" that was responsible for the very writings.. now my love for writing superseded everything.. so i made it do with only scrapping the "you n i".. i figured that would be enough to help me get by the "past" of "you"..
the promise stands broken now.. after a year and a half.. the reason, the "you" resurfaced.. and strong enough to make me write about it.. promises are indeed meant to be broken, it seems.. however hard and harsh they may be..
i could have made peace with myself about just breaking this one promise.. after all, the wounds were pretty deep, so i did deserve some slack.. but, horror of all horrors, when i figured something else also going awry!
for so long (read : a year and half), i made diligent and conscious efforts to erase all traces of tangibles between us.. because, dealing with memories(forever) were bad enough(tending towards worst), and i could do without the apparent tangible reminders of those times and days and memories.. anything, to help me live and get back, a day at a time.. that was disrupted with the resurfacing of "you".. but still, i was adamant about the tangibles.. okay, no drastic measures of ridding off the messages and conversations(yet), but i never really got around to save the number.. not that it really helped, 'coz, i recognise the number now, but at least, the "name" doesn't flash on my face everytime.. and for now, i can live with that.. so amidst all the meetings and the "date" and the "dinner" and "conversations" about the "familiarity", imagine my distraught, when i figured that i left behind a very definite tangible memoir with "you".. my small silver earring, a marijuana leaf, tiny enough to be missed by anyone who's not looking, and large enough to raise questions if found by anyone not looking, apart from "you".. and the fact that "you" found it, and "you"r reassurances that "you" will keep it with you, which was supposed to make me feel alright, had completely the reverse effect!
and so, the fact that i ruined my all time basic "promise" killed me! more so because, not that "you" have now something that belongs to me, but, i am now incomplete because of that.. and i have been through enough already to live like that again!
and so, imagine my joy, when i found the exact marijuana pair a couple days later!!! so now, i'm not incomplete because of "you".. i'm free!!! and the fact, that "you" are holding on to something which belongs to me, gives me a sadistic pleasure..
aaahhh!!!! the power of tangibles!
so, i guess, what goes around, really comes around!
"love and happiness, something that can make you do wrong, make you do right-- Al Green"
