you know the time when you want that person to just come outta nowhere, know whats eating you within and then stride off to put the stuffs alright? to just go to the person and talk it out abt whatever that's been bothering you, and drilling some amount of sense in the other person's skull?to talk it out to that person without that person even getting a whiff of the thing(s) that maybe its your secret wish and that this person has come to talk it out because of you?

yeah.. it is that time at least now for me, when i can so surely make do with one.. that 'one' to just 'magically' appear before me, know whats gnawing-off at me and then stride off to the 'person' to make things alright.. and all this without that 'person's' slightest of the apprehension of all this being a said stuff.. and then, making everything between me and the person alright.. just like that.. when the world seems the best place to be.. coz, nothing else really matters.. "magically"..

i dont know if there is something like "magic" that exists.. whether it works.. whether it really matters..
but i know for sure, that right now this moment, i would really like to believe that it works.. i would like it to "work".. "magically".. just to put all the things alright.. 'magically'.. 'magic'.. i want my belief to hold true.. i have no reason to believe in this in the first place itself.. but i do.. and now that i do, i want it to be good..

but it doesnt work.. and i know that for sure.. because, even if you happen to read this a million times over, you will never really understand the 'what' of it.. and, considering that even if you do that, you cant materialize in front of me now.. and there's no way in this planet that you can talk it out with the other 'person' and drill some sense in the other 'person', without the other 'person' getting even a far-fetched vague hint of the what-abouts of it..

so yeah.. maybe, "magic" is just too "magical" to work for real..

but this doesnt stop me from wishing you to be here.. and this doesnt even stop me from wishing if only this can come true, albeit "magically"..

and for now, its just not a very good place.

just that day when so many things that you plan for, actually and ultimately leads to null.. void..

just that kind of day..

today.
period.

red light scandal

red wall.. a red light.. white and blue cotton/linen curtains.. lamps.. candles.. loads of canvas doors.. and of course, the red light highlight red wall!

and mamma was outrightly scandalised.

and this is how MY room is gonna be!! *sweet love* **incl. of 'shut ups'**



p.s. now this can be an "invitation"! :-p

nap time produce

heard it from many people before.. experienced it first hand too.. albeit the action was a bit on the delayed side.. but holding true to the events, nevertheless.. and so, maybe i do believe too..

"the dreams that you dream early morning, just before you wake up, comes true.."

yes.. the dreams i dreamt, just before waking up, came true to the exact settings, for me.. yes, it took its time.. but it did come true.. the person, the place, the gestures, the surroundings, the general ambience.. check!

yesterday, it was little different.. the dream was there.. and it was there just before i woke up.. (i know it because, when i woke up, the last faint slivers of dream was still lingering with me.. the feel was palpable.. i was as if embraced by it..) the person remaining same.. the setting being the actual setting of the last time when we were together.. the gestures, being the combination of the favourites.. the surroundings, just the way we love it to be.. it was as if i was reliving our previous rendezvous in a neau set-up..

but..

yeah.. there is a 'but'.. this time, it was not waking up in the morning..
for, this time, yesterday, it was waking up in the afternoon.. waking up from the afternoon nap..

well, the after effects of waking up remaining exactly the same.. the same feel.. the same mannerisms.. but yeah, it was not the 'conventional' morning..

so, for this once, wishing against norms and convention.. wishing for it to come true to me.. once more.. and for ever to come..

*#*#*#*

*You are my theme for a dream yes You are, 

A rare and lovely theme..

When I dream I kiss You, Music fills with starlight..

Everytime I touch You, Each and every time a chime rings out "I Love You"..

Only You for ever more..

'Coz You're my theme for a dream yes You are, 

A rare and lovely theme..

So angel please say that You love me too, And make my dreams come true..

Please make my dream come true..!*

*#*#*#*

♥

listening to 'patience' and 'just a kiss' back to back on a loop, and cant help but realise.. similarities.. parallels.. 

if 'patience' echoes You, then 'just a kiss' is all that i have to say..

and somehow, somewhere down the line, it aint very different..

just, meant to be.. and so, living it as..

♥

'hapyness' on 18.8.12 :)

happyness for me :-

1. licking off ketchup from the bottle
2. tearing open the courier envelope from Meano, in anticipation of what's inside
3. getting all the solutions of company accounts problems correctly and that too orally!

but the bestest one being :-

the customary "trrinngg" from You at 2015 and the greatest feel of overwhelm engulfing me.. knowing that I'm still there in Your reserved space, 'come whatever may'.. :)

♥

p.s. i may be reading a bit too much into the lines here.. but who cares? you aint supposed to define terms and conditions when you're happy for how to be happy!

'learnings'--of a certain kind ;)

watching the movie and the realisation dawns----
my cousin's then boyfriend, actually did a pretty good job with me.. coz, none of the adjectives in the movie seemed new.. and each and every one of it reminded me of the first time when i was being diligently explained their true essence over std phone calls.. :-P

so all i say to you, "dhanyavad guruji".. :)

frustrated post..!

and you know you have the worst weekend when :

• you are holed up in your room when its the most beautiful evening outside..
• you are sitting with all sorts of accounts books and papers open in front of you..
• your *.* lives 15 mins away and yet you dunno how to call him..
• you live in a shithole of a place and you end up liking all the weekend posts of your paradise city..
• and you have two back-to-back tests just following the weekend..

*grrrrrr..!*

:P

"mujhe aur b bahut kuch ata hai car mei karna :-P :-D"

just an other night..!

(me)feels like:

• a bowl of messy drippy spaghetti
• a cuddle
• steaming n pippin' chai
• movie in lapi, together
• pj's
• blanket
• dark room save the glare from the lapi
• the whiff of my fav smell
• the 'smooth'
• the feel
• the presence

You beside me.

p.s : if the 'feel' and this surge gets more profound, i might as well rush downstairs n sit in "Your black ride"..

p.p.s : and yes, i do have a 'first' with You :)

contentment.

cant think of anything but for these lines as for now.. seems wierd considering the fact that i dun identify myself with anything related to "bengalism".. and these lines are a part of a Rabindrasangeet, albeit in a translated version.. and surprisingly, after the 'share-alls' and the 'tell-alls' of yesternight, these lines seem the most befitting to illustrate all that has taken place, in all these times.. true meaning, well, maybe.. but as of now, it sums up everything.. everything includes the way i (still) continue to feel..

"achanak hum bichhad gaye gaye koi kahi, fir ye milan jab ho gaya sathi pran me samao"

p.s.: as for the 'updates' on all the 'actions' that you want to be notified by me, i cant really promise.. because of maybe so many reasons.. one of them being, its "us" concerned.. but, for now, just that you know, this is probably the best place ever that i hav been in this.. dunno, where it goes, dunno where its even headed.. but it sure has the strange and the odd feel of reassurance and comfort.. and for now, i am more than happy to take it.. and im not even thinking of whats gonna happen tomo.. i hav kinda frozen that time and replaying it over and over again.. :)

and yes, im gonna need you with me in this.. and i dunno any other way of saying this.. because, yeah, i really suck at these stuffs.. and you have to help me out.. at every point of time.. be my "wing-girl" for this one part of me.. *love*

p.p.s: i guess, by now you hav realised what the above "quote" really refers to.. ;)

you are supposed to feel happy and good after a meet with your loved one after a long wait of a year..
you are supposed to be dreamy eyed throughout the day and night after the rendezvous...
you are supposed to continue feeling your loved one's smell around you.. even hours after you have been wrapped around your loved one's loving arms..
you are supposed to fondly gaze at every picture of both of yours together..
you are supposed to be excitedly waiting for 'tomorrow' to come for another meet with your loved one..

and you are NOT supposed to feel shit and crappy.
but thats what is happening to me..
i feel the smell.. i relive the touch.. i go back to every syllable uttered.. i have the face and the smile, the hug and the embrace, the hold and the poise, the glittering eyes and the innocent brush against the knee, all frozen with me.. and yet, i have the unmistakable presence of that moist feel tingling the corners of the eyes.. and it wont be long before.......


p.s. and that is why, you should always say.. speak.. coz silence doesnt go well.. because, it screeches to me.. and when i need you the most, you cant be here with me..

disappointment

you get time to do everything but for that lil insignificant small almost barely noticeable something, which is probably the only significantly noticeable everything for me..

p.s. and so, just as you know, it will not kill you for doing it, but it definitely kills me by your not doing it..
p.p.s just one more instance, where you so live up to your "Name"..