You

and yet, this is just one of those times that gives me a faint glimmer of sheen.. which makes me to hold on to that belief.. that it still lives.. and all of a sudden, everything else seems superfluous..
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and well, maybe..... with baited breath, i do wait..somewhere down the line..

double identity :D

the mirror seems to have absolute insignificance when i'm with you.. the "only" difference that lies between us, is probably the "biology".. its like seeing myself in front of me, in a different shape..and in a different name..but the very same me..

:-D

Dear Mr. X,
For some pertaining and persisting reasons, you will never know what really goes on in my mind and heart.. All those times we had that were so beautiful.. Agreed, most of those were borrowed, stolen and some even sneaked.. But nothing to deny the fact that those were some of the very good ones, that at least I may have.. And I'd like to wish for the same for you as well..

Yes Mr. M, you were right.. In many things if not in all.. You were right in demanding.. Demanding nothing else, but just the whole me..My being, my conscience, my thoughts, my life..

But you went horribly wrong in one aspect.. And that unfortunately happened to be the base..

No Mr. M, you were not right in being with me..And definitely no, Mr. M, for even assuming that I can make you my life.. Because, you see Mr. M, I could only make you a part of my life..

So, now do you see, Mr. M, where did you go wrong in being with me?  'Coz, I am thoroughly incapable of handling all those adulation and admiration, and not to forget "love".

I'm sorry, Mr. M.. but all I can do is to hope that you understand. And I wish you love, luck and a happy face forever..

Yours truly.


p.s. i had to change the salutation.. M actually is altogether a different person.. and this (erstwhile addressee)M was meant to stand for someone self nick named as 'mouse'.. now that it doesn't exist any more, i see no point in creating confusion.. and so, 'X' it becomes.. and will continue to stay that way, henceforth..

p.p.s M brought this to my notice way back.. and for some reason i dint bother changing it then.. and for some reason, i'm bothered enough to change it now..

"savvy"

we are a generation, for whom, "being together doesnt require to be physically being together"..

copied these from a commercial..but they ring true..surely.. 

(move over to the next page)

the visual impacts us in a strange way..we may claim that we dun require any external means to remember something or someone..the ones we love are always there within us in our hearts. Blah! but the truth still remains, and annoyingly too.. the visuals do set off a wierd chain of feelings.. and by visuals, i mean the hard copy..in other words, the tangibles.. its a funny thing--memory..more funny is the plural--memories..coz, more often than not, its only in our solitary state of being, do we tend to go back to those, or, bring them to front.. and that is exactly what happened..and yes, i succumbed..

watching the crazy doings of Capt.Jack Sparrow had a special charm with you beside..the crazy laughs we shared, made his mundane acts look super crazy and hilarious..those stupid jokes, and the ever running rattling speech..the intangibles..

(flipping over to the previous page)

yeah..i do need to take note.

sabbatical

of dreams and desires

i always had a dream..well, i still have that..but the only change in that aspect now is, the "dream" per se, has given way to a desire..more of a fantasy..

this thingy dates back to the time when (i can now proudly say, riding on my second decade and almost reaching the midpoint) i was a kid..a *wait for this absolute cliched "dream"* white wedding.. and this has nothing to do with my faith (i have none), nor any influence of my  friends' following the "apt" faith (i had just one catholic friend).. i guess, when i was a kid,  i was drawn to that plainly because of the white dainty pretty shoes..yeah..that drew me there..plus, those white extravagant frocks, with laces and frills and nets..yeah..those were my drool points..so, there it is, in its pure innocence and austerity, being absolute ignorant to the grave detailing of the entire phenomenon, i was drawn to the sheer graphic of the entire ritual..

fast forward to the present day scenario (well, almost)..the "white" dreams is somewhat getting overlapped and replaced by a "red" drape..a more bright and blingy effect..and again nothing to do with "faith" of any kind, nor any influence of my friends' following and/or belonging to that "apt" faith (though, i do have the closest of mine falling in that category)..this time, its the red and the white "chuda", and the "flower roof" over the bride's head as she walks to the mandap and overflowing exuberance..and yet again, i'm drawn to the sheer graphics of the entire phenomenon..

and the reason, i say "graphics" 'coz it still aint the time for me yet, when i can be fully convinced of the "phenomenon"..coz, for some reason, i just dun seem to believe in it.

just want balloons.. loads and loads and loads of them.. the big ones, the small ones, the medium-sized ones, the round ones, the oval ones, the long ones, the different twisted-in-some-kinda-shapes ones, the balloons-within-a-balloon ones, the plain colored ones, the multi-colored ones, and all the plausible and possible existing kinda balloons..
and i also want one small pin..a tiny sharp shiny silvery pin..with a nice small and sharp and precise li'l pin-point..
and i wanna sit with them both..and go "prick---->POP!" "prick---->POP!" "prick---->POP!" all the way into the night..sitting on the floor, by the mirror.."prick---->POP!" "prick---->POP!" "prick---->POP!" getting startled with every "POP!" but continuing with the exercise nevertheless..
yea, that's what i wanna do..and so i want loadsa balloons..

can you give me that?

living true to the identity---
heartless w***e.

e.n.d.

this goes out to a certain You..

yes, i was honest with you when  i told you that i listen to you.. and i have some real hard concretised proof of that in my "writings".. but then again, somethings are best when ended.. and i reckon, this is one of those somethings, to be ended.. it doesn't come easy but again, on second thoughts, when did "terminating" anything came easy to me?
when i started with it, i started with "let the m**********r burn, honey, i ain't concerned"  kinda attitude.. i literally gave b***s to the rest of all the people and their views and opinions..but somehow, all those attitude wore down on me, and today, i realise i dun have it anymore in me to go on with it.. and so, the sooner the better.. i'm gonna put and end to it..

after all, the girl is best left down the lane.. she should never come up the street..'coz, that's  where she lives.. happily everafter.. 

and yes, you will know, when you come across this.. if at all you read it.

the tag "besty" seems real fake when, more often than not, you have the need to shout it atop the rooftops.. at every single point n juncture..
you dun believe????? ask me about it.. i can hold the utmost privilege to give you the illustriously animated detailed version of it..period.




AND I SOOOO HATE YOU------TWO-FACE.